It all started at 4:30am. I was half-conscious in the dim light of C-section recovery, wondering where my baby and husband were. My mom managed to find me, and we were dozing. Nick showed up, and then the baby shortly after. My (amazing) nurse Sophia said that another nurse would be in to help me, well, nurse. She showed up and told me: "You're going to breastfeed now." Okay. Sounds good. Lots of grinding as the hospital bed was raised, and faces from me as I tried to sit up without flexing my abdomen. Un-button the gown, and ta-da! Baby feeding! Nurse Ann was a genius, sitting there for half an hour, making sure the baby ate and I stayed awake. That's pretty much all I remember.
Fast forward 2 days. Baby still eating, but very hard to wake up. Sleeping for 4-5 hours at a stretch, "too long" I am told. "Wake baby up to breastfeed." Sure. I was exhausted and without any abdominal capabilities. Breastmilk was slow to come in. Breasts got very sore. In a moment of weakness in the middle of the night, I called for a nipple shield. What is that, you ask? Click here to see.
Good - less pain, or at least different pain. Baby stopped needing to "latch on" because the shield was already the right shape. She ate easily, and seemed to get enough. Fast forward 2 more days. Still in the hospital - milk came in! Two visits from local lactation consultant T.G. She told me about stopping the use of the shield, and I only half listened (baby is gaining weight, "we are fine" I thought). She suggested a home visit.
November 21st, 5 days postpartum, she visited. She weighed the baby before and after a good feeding, no nipple shield. Said that if I can latch Cora on for a couple of good days, I can throw the nipple shield away! Sounded awesome! Not so easily accomplished.
After using the nipple shield for just a few days, baby Cora was easily frustrated and didn't like to latch on. Breasts got over-full, baby screamed, I used the nipple shield most of the time. Cora got increasingly frustrated the more times I tried to nurse her without it, and I got increasingly frustrated that I would need this prosthetic nipple forever! It was starting to hurt more. I emailed T.G. on December 3rd to tell her that we hadn't yet succeeded. Still struggling. More than 2 weeks postpartum. I also had a friend come over to give me the "it gets better" speech in person. Thanks Sarah!
T.G.'s email back was great - gentle, but firm that she wanted to see us drop the shield. The older babies get, the harder it is to wean them. Bad habits die hard:
"I cannot emphasize enough the importance of getting her off of the nipple shield. When a baby is as old as she is, it is best handled in 1 day over at least two feedings (without the shield) in order for her to "get it" that the shield isn't necessary. I kept checking my messages while out of state to see how you were doing, but made the assumption that you were doing well when I didn't hear from you.
Please consider scheduling a visit with me on Monday or Tuesday. I think it would be most beneficial in your home as it would be best, like I said for two or three feedings in a row. Older babies still on the shield need a little more effort. Do call.
With love, [T.G.]"
I realized then that I had stopped doing the fundamental things recommended to bond with baby: skin contact, taking naps together, and breastfeeding on demand. I had wanted to move too quickly: to already be nursing in public, not having any pain, having mastered a skill. So I started over. Two days mostly in bed, holding Cora, talking and sleeping and singing. Reading. And IT WORKED!! December 5th at 6am, she nursed without the shield. Then all through the day, then all through the week. My dedication to working with her and learning together really paid off, in that we are now nursing full time without the nipple shield, and without much pain. Satchel's pizza was the first place I nursed in public, 22 days postpartum. I am not trying to brag; it's just that I'm still amazed that it worked, a few short days after so much frustration and lying in bed!
Here is what I have learned from the hardest weeks of breastfeeding. The popular conceptions of breastfeeding as a skill, a practice, or a predictable process, are completely false. A woman cannot learn to breastfeed -- she cannot even practice it well. This is because nursing your baby is a relationship. Mother and baby learn together as they grow into their roles as mother and baby. The more I read, the more I realize I missed this in my earlier reading about technique, a good latch, etc. Those things are important, but the relationship is the most important thing. That is what is hardest for me - it requires a lot more investment than a skill, and there are no benchmarks to count on. You can't take an exam to pass to the next phase. This is not the Suzuki method for piano (though sometimes I still wish it were!). In this case, it takes A LOT of time, but nowhere close to the 10,000 hours, Mr. Gladwell.
For further reading I highly recommend "Watch Your Language" by Diane Wiessinger, a study of the cultural perceptions of breastfeeding, and how it affects the actions of new mothers. Part of her conclusion is this:
Women may say they 'breastfed' for three months, but they usually say they 'nursed' for three years. Easy, long-term breastfeeding involves forgetting about the 'breast' and 'feeding' and focusing instead on the relationship. Let's all tell mothers that we hope they won't 'breastfeed' -- that the real joys and satisfactions of the experience begin when they stop 'breastfeeding' and start mothering at the breast.In addition, here is another good article about the phases of breastfeeding: "Breastfeeding Changes at 3 Months and Beyond" by Jennifer M. MacLoed
No comments:
Post a Comment